While Surfing The Web: Tips on dating or befriending a Mexican

So you met a cute guy or girl and you want to ask him/her out on a date but she if from a traditional Mexican family with an old school mentality. Go ahead, ask her out, but first listen to a few tips from a Mexican who comes from a traditional Mexican family. This way you don’t blow it.

First and foremost, make SURE she is a Mexican. I can’t stress this enough. If she is from Central or South America and you assume she is Mexican and say something to that effect, she will roll her eyes and you’ll look like a big idiot. Central and South Americans HATE to be called Mexican!

Ok, so she’s really a Mexican. For the first date, unless you know what you are doing, don’t take her out for “Mexican” food. Taco Bell is NOT Mexican food.

This is not a taco:

This is a taco!

Mexicans don’t use shredded yellow cheese. We don’t use ground beef in tacos or in tostadas, we don’t put olives in everything. We never, never, never, did I say never, eat beans from a can. Beans are cooked fresh when needed. Why would anyone eat beans from a can? Come on now….

What to say and how to say it:

Don’t call her family members or friends “Amigo” no one in Mexico does that and eyes will be rolling again if you do.

Word order is backwards when describing something, so pay attention. Where you would first describe an object then name it, in Spanish you first name the object then you follow with the description. So if you want to say “you have pretty eyes” you would say “you have eyes pretty” like this “tienes ojos bonitos”. Or “I have a red car” you would say “I have a car red” like this “Yo tengo un carro rojo”.

To say “excuse me” as in “may I please get by” you would say “Con permiso”, which means “with your permission”. “to say “excuse me” as in “excuse me, where is the bathroom?” you would say “perdon” meaning “pardon”.

“Embarrassed” is not translated “Embarasada” so don’t even try it. “Embarasada” means PREGNANT! The word is “Avergonzada”.

Speaking of pregnant and how you end up like that, don’t call women “Señora” unless it is totally obvious that she is married or that she has kids. The term "Señora" refers to a woman or young lady who is no longer a virgin so you are better off playing it safe. If you don’t know, call her “Señorita” she’ll be flattered or even blush.

There is no such thing as a “Problemo”, John Connor doesn’t know what he is saying. The word is “Problema” , with an “A” at the end, but you wouldn’t say “No problema” you would say “No es un problema” (it is not a problem) or “no hay ningun problema” (there is no problem).

If you call your new friend on their house-phone or come knocking at the family’s door, don’t say “is Maria there?” you should first greet the other person before asking for Maria. “Buenos dias, puedo hablar con Maria?” (good morning may I speak with Maria?) or at their door you’d say “Buenos dias, se encuentra Maria?” (good morning, is Maria available/here?). If you don’t greet the person who answers the phone or the door first, you will be seen a rude person.

va·moose (v

-m

, v

intr.v. va·moosed, va·moos·ing, va·moos·es Slang

To leave hurriedly.

[From Spanish vamos, let's go, from Latin vdmus, first person pl. present subjunctive of vdere, to go.]

Mexicans don’t say “Vamoose”. They dont even know what that is. They say “Vamos” meaning “let’s go” or “we will go” or “can we go”. You could say “Vamos a caminar?” which means “shall we go for a walk?”.

Mexicans don’t take “Siestas” they will laugh at you if you use that word.

Welcome/Bienveido - Understanding Mexican hospitality.

Hospitality is a BIG thing in a traditional Mexican family. It is part of who we are so it helps if you understand that.

If you are invited into the family’s house, say “Buenos dias” (good morning) to EVERYONE, I mean everyone, even the kids and the grandma. That is the polite thing to do. If it is late afternoon or evening, don’t say “Buenos dias” (the kids will giggle) say “Buenas tardes” (good afternoon) because it is no longer morning, duh.

FYI, It is better to say “Buenos dias” than “Hola”, it is a bit more formal and more respectful. Once you are buddy-buddy with everyone you can say “Hola”.

If someone offers a handshake, upon being introduced, say “mucho gusto” (a pleasure to meet you). The girl may say “Papa, this is my new friend Joe”. Even though she just told him your name, you should still shake his hand, make eye contact and say your full name while shaking his hand “mucho gusto, Joe Smith”. You may have to repeat that for each person you are introduced to but that is ok.

After the formal introductions it is VERY likely the lady of the house will offer something to drink (or order one of her daughters to get something for you) or, if they like you, you may be asked to stay for dinner. Just so you know, this is a really big deal.

Where, in an American setting, the guest is kind of expected to say “no thank you” unless you were specifically invited ahead of time, in Mexican culture the host is happy to offer even if you arrived unannounced. Most Mexicans are humble people but they will share what they have with those close to them, so try not to say no, if at all possible. You may be offered a cup of coffee, something cold to drink or even a snack as a sign of hospitality. Bad manners in this case would be to say "no thank you" good manners would be to say "yes, please". If you accept, you will be acknowledging your host’s hospitality. It won’t be interpreted as “imposing” so go for it, don’t worry.

On the other hand, If you say no, your host may feel a bit offended. They may get the impression that you think what they are offering is not “good enough” or that you are assuming YOU won’t like what they offer. So just take the darn drink and finish it. Politely smile to your host and say thank you. You’ll score points especially if you are given something that they know you are not familiar with.

The same thing goes with non-food stuff. If after a few visits, the uncle or the brother OFFERS to hook you up with movie passes cause he can get them from his employer, or the Dad OFFERS to do your taxes for free cause he is a tax consultant, don’t offer to pay, it is a GIFT, you’d be offending him if you did. Just accept and graciously say "thank you very much". Trust me, they are not trying to make a buck off of you, this is just their way of saying “ok, we think you are cool.”

Finally, “Buenas noches” is usually reserved for “good bye” and it is only used in the evening or night time. In the day time it is ok to say “adios” when you are leaving or if they are leaving. Just dont say "Adios Amigo" or dont try saying "vaya con Dios". You would probably pronounce it wrong and would not know how to use it correctly. There are other things to consider, but I dont want to make this too long. If you want to ask me something, go right ahead, I dont mind.

Of course every family is different but overall these tips would be beneficial when dealing with most traditional, old school Mexican families. We are not all ignorant, illegal aliens. Just like with other nationalities, there are many, many beautiful Mexicans worth getting to know. Good friends are hard to come by, so give it a try, you’ll be surprised.

~Norma

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